Collectively Wise

Domestic Violence, Poverty and Looking the Other Way

Hopefully you have not spent much time, if any, being the victim of domestic violence.  Some of you may have, though.  Or maybe someone you know is having a hard time.  Maybe you are looking for help.  Maybe you are looking for a way to help.

This is just a little story, like so many of the stories we all have, that replay on occasion in our minds.  This one strikes me as an introduction to the subject for us, though, because the main character is a mom.  A mom who, at the time I crossed paths with her, was trying desperately to care for her children.  She was trying to keep things together and care for her babies.

I was 22 years old, and taking a road trip with my mother from my new apartment and new job in Silicon Valley, to visit relatives in Southern California.  I was a bit frazzled, as it had been a tough move and I had run into some difficult situations along the way.  But the drive down I5 in the central valley of California was a long one, and boring.

At that time, just about 20 years ago, I think there was only one place to stop for a bite to eat along the way.  There was one McDonalds, about 3 hours from San Jose, and 3 hours from LA.  I think I remember that people used to call it, "The Oasis."  Not so sure about that, but this stop there, was my first.  My mom and I pulled up in my brand new Toyota Tercel.  I parked close to a car that looked like the one in the picture, above.  It was filled with children.  It also looked like they'd been in the car for a very long time.

I think I'm done with McDonalds

Ever try to eat a banana after eating McDonalds French fries?  I did this recently. I couldn't taste the banana.

On a positive note, I didn't eat enough McDonalds food to be full.  But was it enough to make me sick?

Generally my philosophy is everything in moderation. We get ice-cream cones there occasionally. And maybe once a month, or every few months, we go and grab a sack of cheeseburgers for a road trip somewhere. It's been fine. This time I asked for a grilled chicken sandwich. Sometimes I add an iced tea. Its reasonable. This time, husband arrived with 3 super-sized French fries.

The kids wouldn't eat them. My Palo Alto trained middle schooler thumbed her nose at them and pushed the bag back at us as soon as she could. "It smells" she emphasized, much to her fathers disgust. Being from the Midwest, we look at McDonalds with a hint of nostalgia, it's warmth and portion control part of the memories of the good old days - of fighting blizzards to get home from school, or to the mall, and the $3 in your pocket being happily exchanged for a burger, fries and a shake.

Helping Your Children Develop a Healthy Body Image

 [Guest Post by Pam Carlton, MD]

“You can never be too rich or too thin.”  This was written on a refrigerator magnet in the kitchen of my childhood home.  We all know that obesity is a real problem in the United States.  We hear about it daily on TV, on the radio and in the newspaper.  However, what we need is not a battle against obesity.  We do not need a diet that cuts out fats and carbs in a frantic push towards thinness.  What we need is to learn moderation and how to have a healthy, realistic relationship with our bodies and food.  The truth is, there are medical risks at either extreme of the weight spectrum, but there’s a lot of room in the middle. 

As a physician who treats teens and young adults with eating disorders, I constantly see the consequences of our society’s obsession with the “thin ideal” and the fear of fat.  I care for children, some as young as twelve years-old, who have weakened hearts and brittle bones because they are not eating, over exercising and/or vomiting in an attempt to "not get fat." There is no one reason why a child develops an eating disorder but one of the factors can be living in a society that demonizes fat and emphasizes unrealistic body images.  With a balanced diet and appropriate physical activity, people can be healthy at a great variety of weights.  We need to shift our focus from weight and body size to physical health and body satisfaction. 

Our children learn by emulating what they see and hear.  If we send them healthy messages at home, hopefully, we can counter some of the dangerous messages they are bombarded with in the media.  There are three simple things that we can focus on.

Caring for a Child with Food Allergies

My 6 year old daughter, Zuzu, has a host of food allergies including to wheat, dairy, egg, tree nuts, peanuts and sesame seeds.  We first learned about her allergies when she was just a baby.  Minutes after eating her first baby yogurt, she broke out in hives all over her body.  After that incident, my pediatrician advised me and my husband to hold off on introducing any other common allergens, such as wheat and egg, into Zuzu's diet until she could be tested for food allergies, which turned out to be very sound advice. 

The subsequent testing revealed the extent of our daughter's food allergies.  But the truth was, we were not all that surprised.  Since birth, Zuzu's immunue system had been in overdrive.  Zuzu had terrible eczema as a baby, and by the time we learned of her food allergies, she was already enrolled in a clinical trial for a new, non-steroid eczema medication.

Thankfully, Zuzu outgrew her eczema, but the food allergies have remained a constant in our lives.  We consider ourselves lucky in that her allergies do not appear to be life-threatening; she has never gone into anaphylactic shock, for example, although we always carry our Epi-Pen with us, just in case.  Nevertheless, caring for our daughter who cannot eat so many of the typical everyday foods that most kids enjoy has been challenging for our family.  And I have learned that taking care of a child with food allergies has both a nutritional and an emotional component.

Birth Order Psych Lab 101 - In my house

The impact of birth order on the personalities of our children has been an ongoing source of amusement to us.  We have three daughters, spaced almost exactly 2 years apart, and they exhibit the classic signs and symptoms.

One of the most profound and in-your-face examples we have, is in their candy stash.  They each have a plastic Halloween bucket that they store their candy in.  Every time a sugar based holiday comes around, they generally get way more candy than we let them eat.  The idea was to keep the extra candy in the basket, and permit them to have a piece or two every night after dinner, as dessert.

Sounds simple enough, right?  One kid, one basket, the same amount of candy added at each infusion and the same amount withdrawn each night.  One might think that after a few weeks, each basket would be equally full.  (Tank of water, pipe, flow rate, time...  I am an engineer...  should equal the same amount of water.  Or, did I sleep through that lecture?)

Supporting Healthy Diabetic Behavior

Diabetes is a significant health problem for people over the age of 60. According to the Diabetes Association, more than 23 percent of Americans in that age bracket suffer from diabetes.

If you’re a caregiver to an elderly parent who has been diagnosed with this disease, there are good reasons to pay attention to how your loved one is handling it:
Diabetes is the 7th leading cause of death in the U. S.

Its complications include high blood pressure, blindness, heart attack, kidney disease and stroke.

OK, you say. I know all that. But my patient isn’t following the doctor’s orders.
And that’s probably the source of considerable tension in your caregiving as you struggle to get the patient to do what’s good for him or her and all you get is opposition.

Here are some ideas to help your mom or dad—perhaps your spouse or child—stay focused on healthy behaviors:

What do we know about Diabetes?

Type 2 diabetes is typically diagnosed in adults over the age of 40, but diagnosis is increasingly common in children. This may be related to more sedentary lifestyles and obesity in children. It may also be related to fetal exposure during pregnancy.

Type 1 diabetes is classically considered to be juvenile onset, or insulin dependent diabetes. The cause of type 1 diabetes is not well understood.

Diabetes can contribute to heart disease, vascular disease, lung disease, reproductive problems, nerve damage, liver damage, gum disease, etc. Severe disease can lead to serious problems, such as blindness, amputation and even death.

According to the CDC, symptoms of diabetes can include the following (although some people experience none of these symptoms):

• Frequent urination
• Excessive thirst
• Unexplained weight loss
• Extreme hunger
• Sudden vision changes
• Tingling or numbness in hands or feet
• Feeling very tired much of the time
• Very dry skin
• Sores that are slow to heal
• More infections than usual.

What do you know about preventing and living with childhood diabetes in your family?

What do you know about diabetes and aging?  What can we do to help?

What kind of caregiver help is available?

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Caring for aging relatives can be a very difficult, and even full-time job. One family may choose to do hands on caregiving themselves, in their own home. Other families may hire professional help to come in and assist. Still others may facilitate the relocation of their loved one into an assisted living, or hospital-like facility to get the best care possible.

What types of arrangements have you observed or participated in? How has that worked in your family? What impact does the severity of illness, or other factors, have on this?

Read more and comment here

Featured Topics: Caregivers, Heart Disease and Weight Loss

Caregivers

Ever wonder who the caregivers are?  See statistics from 2005, and tips for better taking care of yourself as a caregiver.   Read more and comment here

Heart Disease

Important facts and suggestions have been published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in hopes of reducing the incidence and severity of heart disease across the country.  Read about risk factors and prevention and tell us how you take care of yourself and loved ones to reduce risks in your family.   Read more and comment here

Weight Loss as Self-Care

How did you do with maintaining your weight over the holidays?  Any plans to lose weight in 2010?  A new fitness regime?  Any new, favorite diet?   Read more and comment here

Eating Right

Welcome to the second edition!

NUTRITION

• SELF – Don’t neglect your own nutrition for the sake of others!

• KIDS – Beyond guidelines, how do we keep them on the healthy food plan?

• PARENTS – Independent or not, healthy meals are essential.

• PHILANTHROPY – UniversalGiving Project: Save a Nepali Child from Starvation (or at least help)

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SELF-ish:  "In the case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, put your own oxygen mask on first and then assist any small children traveling with you…” _________________________________________________________________________________________

This interactive site is updated weekly with new topics for discussion, designed especially for the sandwich generation.  Are you taking care of children and parents, or did you in the past?

For example, is it better to have your aging parent(s) live with you, or to facilitate nursing home care?  The answer, of course, depends.  There is no right or wrong.  If we can hear from those who’ve been there, or have strong opinions either way, we can all learn from the discussion.  

The idea for self-ish came from the notion that caregivers need to take care of themselves, so that they can take better care of their loved ones.  All too often we neglect our own well being, while we focus on everyone else!