Collectively Wise

Maternal Grandfather Diagnosed with Alzheimer's

[Anonymous Guest Post, by a 46 year old woman from Alabama]

In 1998 my maternal grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am an only child and both my mother and grandmother had passed away in 1993. My mother was also an only child, so that left me to care for my grandfather, who was alone, except for a few nephews and nieces.

I am 46 years old, female, and live in Alabama. My family, on my mother's side, is very scattered out and I'm not close to very many people on that side. I am also married and the mother of a son with Asperger's Syndrome, who was only two years old when my grandfather was diagnosed. Needless to say, I had a very full plate for a number of years.

My grandfather lived by himself in a trailer on property owned by one of his nephews. He started showing signs of dementia several months before the diagnosis. He would forget something you said to him moments before, and started getting up in the middle of the night and wandering around the yard.

I lived about 15 miles away from him, so didn't see him on a daily basis at that point. Once the Alzheimer's diagnosis was made, it was evident that he needed more care than we could provide him ourselves. We had to make a definite and speedy decision after he got into his car one morning and was gone for 10 hours. He did come back, but we had no idea where he had been at that point. He said he went out to "look for a job". At that time, my grandfather was in his 80's and had been retired for 20 years. Something had to be done for his safety.

My Father's Last Wishes (Physician's Directives)

When my Father was towards the end of his life I realized just how important it is to have your legal papers in order. My parents, being much older, did it when I was fairly young. They explained it to me but I didn't really understand. Here I was at the age of 29, going over those papers with a fine tooth comb trying to make sense of my Father's last wishes. Due to his Alzheimer's I was his guardian. He was now in a nursing facility. He had recently been moved to the nursing unit, something I did not agree with. I was called in by the staff to discuss my Father's deteriorating condition. Because of my age, they treated me with very little respect and as if I had no idea what I was talking about. With my Father's papers in hand I went to the meeting, knowing it was going we were not going to see eye to eye. 

Young Caregiver Personal Story - Alzheimer's, Stroke

When I was 15 my father, who was 75, began showing signs of what we later found out, was Alzheimer's. He wasn't diagnosed until six years later. A few years after that his behavior became too much for my Mom to handle and so I became his guardian, at age 24. I decided that for his own safety that it would be best for him in care facility. It was a difficult choice but a necessary one. His Alzheimer's affected him more physically, then mentally. He wasn't happy in the 3 facilities I placed him in, but with the constant medical care he needed I had no choice. He lived to the ripe old age of 89, I was only 29. 

Around this time my Mother began showing behavior that I knew was not normal. Not only was she very erratic, but she was not caring for herself, the house and the pets propely and she was hoarding everything. I tried to talk to her doctors but they didn't really listen and she was so nasty to them they wanted no part of the situation. A year later, she had some type of small stroke or breakdown. I had to trick her and take her to the ER. She became violent and suicidal so luckily, as sad as this is to say, the doctors saw what I was dealing with and put her on a month long psych hold. At least I was finally able to get the help I was needing. She was a whole other ballgame than my Father. APS stepped in, concerned with my young age (I was 28), but approved for my becoming her Conservator, which means, she lost all legal rights and I was in charge of everything.