Group hugs and dog piles - more on coaching youth sports

Last post, I covered some of what I learned while coaching youth baseball and softball – when looking for differences, I actually found more similarities. I continue:

Team styles: The boys were definitely more apt to blame a teammate for any mistake – whether the teammate’s error or their own. The girls were more apt to shrug it off. Missed balls just happen. At this age, both boys and girls would tend to watch the ball rather than run after it, although each team had one or two go-getters.

Goof-off styles: The boys tackle and dog pile. The girls chase and group hug. Both were easily distracted by each other. Some coaches have great solutions like individual buckets that they put upside down for each child to sit on. For both teams, I had a parent on task for watching the dug-out. I noticed that the kids do like some sense of order, and both boys and girls enjoyed yelling out the batting order and knowing "who's next."

Level of acting up because the parent (me) was there: My son seemed to act up the same, but usually it involved play with the other boys (see above). My daughter, I felt, had a little more drama and would demand rights (like getting to bat first), because I was the head coach. This also had to do with the ultimate decision power of head coach. My son certainly knew who to cajole for a favored position to play, and it wasn’t me.

Parent involvement: This is tricky because I can’t characterize it. The girls’ softball feels more intimate. The parents seem more involved and more into the game. Maybe it’s because there are less coaches (we need more help) and because the coaches are less experienced (we need more help). This could also be the age difference, in that the younger leagues allow parents in the field with the kids to help direct play (“throw to first, throw to first, throw to first”). It could also be coach style – I’m pretty open and welcomed anyone that wanted to help at a practice or game. I think that it’s great for the kids, boys and girls, to see their dads and moms involved. You don’t have to be skilled to help.

Impact on my kids:

This is definitely a great experience for all of us. My son gets to see one of the few female coaches as his mom. I think it sets a good example. But the same for my daughter. There were probably equal dads and moms coaching. I got a thumbs up from both of them. That makes me feel that it’s all worth it.

League funding: It is hard to see the difference between the two, partly because I'm new. Baseball, is a long-running, well-oiled machine with facilities, more coaches and a “clubbiness.” The girls’ softball feels parent-run, they have to beg to get parents to coach (or at least my league – as commissioner, if a parent volunteered for ANYTHING, I had to ask them to be a head coach). No coaches, means no teams. I can make many assumptions, but I won’t. I’m just happy that both leagues are there.

What did I learn, Pt. 2? Coaching my kids was exhilarating, and challenging. During the previous year, in coach-pitch baseball, my son struck out three times during his first game. Did I say that I was pitching? If that wasn't enough, I hit my daughter with an errant pitch this season.

Also, I tried to be fair, but sometimes made mistakes – I still remember my daughter’s face when I called her out on a close play. I wanted to avoid the appearance of the coach calling her daughter safe, thinking she could take it. She was 6 and was in tears.

The rest of it? That was all upside - when they got that hit or made that play, I could see the joy on their face. I was right there. I felt like a part of it and it’s something we get to share forever.

P.S. They’ve already asked me to do it again, so something went right!

Comments

[Kirsten]

Thank you for this post, Karen. Many parents are volunteering in different capacities with their kids sports teams, because it's such an enriching experience, as well as the encouragement of healthy activity and someone has to make it happen. It's a lot of work, too!

Sometimes there are guidelines and rules about how to do it right, but there is certainly a huge range in how things can be done. Trying to do it right, by doing our best and learning as much as we can, is all we can do.

[Or, technically for me, my husband takes care of all of this and I'm off the hook - except for figuring out which of our kids does what, when, where and how. That's a job in and of itself!]

[Jarobertson]

I really enjoyed reading your post, Karen. Good luck next year!! I just completed my first year as a part time assistant coach for my 9 year old daughter's softball team. I couldn't be at every practice or every game due to having my 10 year old daughter also in softball and 6 year old son playing baseball. I tried to spread myself out evenly between all 3 kids so I could cheer and help them all out. I would also be a bench coach (kept the boys in their batting line up) for my son's team and help in whatever capacity I could during practice. I would also operate the pitching machine for batting practice on occasion for my oldest daughter's team.

I must say that helping coach my daughter's team was fairly enjoyable~ in an assistant coach position. We had a few parents that gave our head coach quite a bit of difficulty. Oh, the drama. I did experience one of my most embarrassing moments of 2010 in our last game. It was just our head coach and myself (one of the other coaches didn't show and the other coach had to work). I was 1st base coach when the other assistant didn't show. (I can't handle the stress of having the girls steal home!!) One of our girls was up to bat and hit the ball hard...and it was heading straight towards me at first base...and I didn't move...I couldn't move! I just stared at the ball and reached my hands out to deflect or catch the ball. Oh boy. Our opponents team was behind me and the parents all started laughing. When our batter struck out, I galloped back towards our team bench and the umpire gave me a few jabs...then the other assistant coach showed up and he teased me. My face turned all kinds of red. Painfully embarrassing.

The funny thing is that now I am an assistant for my daughter's soccer team. Lovely! Wonder what amazingly embarrassing things I'll do now!

[Karen Ambrose Hickey]

Thanks for the comments! I love hearing about others' same situations. Bummer about that foul. And good for you for learning the pitching machine. I haven't learned that yet (but I do love coaching 3rd base!).

I was really lucky with the parents on both teams. However, I was commissioner for my league (choosing the teams), and that's a post all in itself. My plea is for parents to realize that these other parents are just VOLUNTEERS because enough other parents don't. I would prefer support than sniping. As Kirsten says, everyone has their own style.

And, although soccer is NOT my sport, nor my husband's we are now co-co-coaches (?) for my son's soccer team. This time it's the boys' league that can't get enough volunteers. I guess I get the winter off.

[Fastpitch Softball Coaching]

Great post, Karen. I've coached boys and girls teams as well, and I think what you have laid out is pretty accurate. Here are a few more. Coaching a team of girls is not the same as a team of boys. I do think girls and boys handle criticism differently. If a girl is corrected, the team will generally come to her defense and the coach will suddenly find himself or herself on the outside looking in (this was pointed out to me by a male coaching my daughter's travel soccer team).

I believe both boys and girls will have a deep passion for the game to the same degree if coached correctly in the early years. When I say coach correctly, I mean to say that the focus is on developing a love for the sport and developing the fundamentals. It should not be about winning. Winning comes after the other two things are correctly formulated.

-- Dan
Fastpitch Softball Coaching

[Karen Ambrose Hickey]

Dan - I love your comment. I need to learn more from you! I was really trying to make the girls love the game as this was the first exposure for some of them. There were high-fives for any little thing, including for the other team. I was thrilled to see my kids playing a modified game with their cousins over a family vacation - even with the "big kids." Everyone was laughing; and trying their best. I think it will become a tradition.