Hopefully you have not spent much time, if any, being the victim of domestic violence. Some of you may have, though. Or maybe someone you know is having a hard time. Maybe you are looking for help. Maybe you are looking for a way to help.
This is just a little story, like so many of the stories we all have, that replay on occasion in our minds. This one strikes me as an introduction to the subject for us, though, because the main character is a mom. A mom who, at the time I crossed paths with her, was trying desperately to care for her children. She was trying to keep things together and care for her babies.
I was 22 years old, and taking a road trip with my mother from my new apartment and new job in Silicon Valley, to visit relatives in Southern California. I was a bit frazzled, as it had been a tough move and I had run into some difficult situations along the way. But the drive down I5 in the central valley of California was a long one, and boring.
At that time, just about 20 years ago, I think there was only one place to stop for a bite to eat along the way. There was one McDonalds, about 3 hours from San Jose, and 3 hours from LA. I think I remember that people used to call it, "The Oasis." Not so sure about that, but this stop there, was my first. My mom and I pulled up in my brand new Toyota Tercel. I parked close to a car that looked like the one in the picture, above. It was filled with children. It also looked like they'd been in the car for a very long time.
This was a long time ago, of course, so I don't know if I remember all of the details, but there were definitely too many children, maybe something like 5. There was also yelling. In Spanish. Spanish that I understood. There was a man and a woman and he was yelling at her and the kids.
We directly walked inside, took a break to use the restroom and then ordered our food to go. As we waited, the woman walked in carrying an infant and with another in tow, maybe more.
I should mention, that the central valley is classically a farming region. These are large, industrial farms, that when irrigated, have a large production capacity. These are not charming, mom and pop farms. They depend on both legal and illegal labor from Mexico, to aid in large scale production, planting and picking (even more so back then). This was also the very early 90's. which was another significant recession here in the US.
As the woman walked in, she shielded her face from us, but eventually looked up. She had very obviously been beaten. It was striking to everyone around, even the McDonalds employees. She spent some time counting out a handful of money and ordered a small amount of food, which was obviously not enough for the family. The delay must have been enough, because the man came in after her. I remember some support for her from an older child, but on the man's demand, she went back to the car. Kids were crying and it was dramatic. We were behind him when he walked out, and he threw the food into the car and got in.
We left. I don't know what else we could have done, really, and we were scared, too. Maybe today, there would be less tolerance and a clear way to help. But then, no. It had every element of domestic violence present, the anger, physical violence, maybe alcohol, but the poverty, too. I'm a big believer in that difficult circumstances, stress, hunger, human nature and good people can easily spiral into terrible things. I'm sure the woman was trapped. It was obvious. She was doing the best she could in a very small, almost microscopic world. A world that co-existed with I5, the California interstate, linking Los Angeles to San Jose and me. I wish I could tell you what happened next, but I can't. I don't know.
See the novel by TC Boyle about a similar circumstance (wikipedia link): The Tortilla Curtain
See local resources at the Support Network of Santa Clara County:
Photo courtesy of PhotoXpress.com
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